


Non-Returnable

by CGotAnAccount



Series: ADVENTure Is Out There! [20]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Difficult to open presents, Katt - Freeform, M/M, Matt is an earnest troll, The worst idea possible, author regrets everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21867814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CGotAnAccount/pseuds/CGotAnAccount
Summary: “You know, when I said that you were my present this year this isn't exactly what I meant,” Keith grumbles as he hacks away at the duct tape surrounding his idiot boyfriend. “What if I hadn't come home on time today, or there was a house fire?”Matt attempts what might be a shrug, but it's hard to tell with the way he's so thoroughly encased in nonsense. Judging by the slight eyebrow area movement and grunt he's probably dying to protest.Too bad Keith doesn't give a shit.
Relationships: Matt Holt/Keith
Series: ADVENTure Is Out There! [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558660
Comments: 28
Kudos: 76





	Non-Returnable

**Author's Note:**

> Day 20... I'm not sorry.

“You know, when I said that you were my present this year this isn't exactly what I meant,” Keith grumbles as he hacks away at the duct tape surrounding his idiot boyfriend. “What if I hadn't come home on time today, or there was a house fire?”

Matt attempts what might be a shrug, but it's hard to tell with the way he's so thoroughly encased in nonsense. Judging by the slight eyebrow area movement and grunt he's probably dying to protest.

Too bad Keith doesn't give a shit.

“Or what if I had ignored the tag that said open early and waited for you to come home?” His exasperation only grows with every section of duct tape he has to hack off, depositing the stringy garbage into the pile with the four boxes of varying sizes - like a twisted nesting doll - the wrapping paper, bubble wrap, rawhide rope, combination lock set to their anniversary, and cling wrap. “You could have died, and then I'd be spending Christmas trying to decide whether to cry over your blue corpse or resurrect you to kill you myself.”

Another grunt, this one perhaps including a touch of a whine, but Keith really doesn't have the patience for careful interpretation as he peels loose the last strip of duct tape and tears down to the gimp suit.

“And honestly, what the hell is even on your face?” He reaches out to tap on the bulky lump around Matt's mouth, half terrified he's gagged himself and is slowly suffocating underneath the leather and latex. “If you've got a ball gag in there I'm leaving it in until the new year for this stunt.”

The next noise is definitely a whine, accompanied by a wriggle of Matt's shoulders.

“You did it to yourself,” Keith grunts, sawing through the zip-ties around Matt's wrists and ankles so he can at least try to stretch out. The groan when he pulls Matt's limbs straight is definitely audible this time, and Keith sets his lips into a firm line. “Actually, there's no way you could have done this... did Pidge help you?”

The black wrapped head jerks, maybe a nod, maybe a muscle spasm from Matt's death throes.

Either is fine at this point.

“Remind me to kill her later,” Keith sighs, feeling around the suit until he finds the zipper by the back of the neck. “She probably enjoyed this way too much.”

Sandy hair emerges as he pulls up, poking out from its compression like a hedgehog. It's slow going trying not to get the zipper tangled in the matted mess, and by the time Keith has it down over Matt's eyes and nose he's just relieved to see him still blinking.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

And then there's the scuba apparatus tucked into Matt's mouth, that he obligingly grins around before spitting out.

“Hey Kitten, surprised?” He wiggles his eyebrows, since they're still the only thing he can really move after being stuck like that for an hour and a half. “You had so much fun with last year's I decided to go bigger.”

“Matt,” Keith grits out, stopping his unzipping efforts to pinch the bridge of his nose and scowl at his idiot boyfriend. “Last year was funny because it was a _non living_ object inside ninety-seven boxes and I got to use a blowtorch on Christmas morning.”

Matt blinks at him, mouth pulling to the side.

“Should I have made you use a blowtorch again?”

“No!” Keith throws his hands in the air before bringing them down to cup Matt's stupid, stupid face. “You should have made sure you weren't going to die from suffocation inside your latest harebrained scheme.”

The wounded puppy look is immediate, and Keith regrets his tone as Matt crumples.

“I'm sorry, Kitten... I thought it would be funny... I had the scuba tank?”

“ _Now_ I know you did, Matt.” Keith leans in and presses their foreheads together, glad to be able to breathe in the sweaty scent of Matt's hair. “And in a few weeks I'll probably look back on this and laugh... but you scared me.”

Matt grimaces and cranes up to peck Keith on the lips, attempting his best apologetic countenance while still not having use of his limbs.

“Was it the note with the dead smiley face on it?”

“That didn't help.”

“I thought it was pretty funny though... you know, like a riddle.” He wiggles his eyebrows again and casts a look down his body. “Like, you manage to solve my puzzles and then you get your carnal desires answered.”

“My carnal desires, huh?” Keith grunts, zipping down from Matt's neck to reveal a crisscross of green and gold ribbons decorating his chest. “Jesus Matt... what else do you have under here?”

“Well, the jingle bell cock ring is getting really uncomfortable, and the candy cane plug was frankly a terrible idea.”

“Oh my god,” Keith sputters, yanking the zipper down to peel the latex off Matt's limbs with a vaguely nauseating sucking sound. “You are the dumbest genius I've ever met.”

“ _Carnal desires_ , Keith,” Matt gasps in relief as the last of the suit comes off and Keith helps him stand on shaky legs. “I had to be ready for your raging need to thank me for such a clever and thoughtful gift.”

“You're the worst.” Keith ruffles his hair and wraps an arm around his waist, helping him stagger over to the couch. “You're lucky I love you.”

“Oh thank fuck you still do,” Matt groans, reaching around behind himself to wiggle the plug loose. “Or this would be even more awkward than it already is.”

“Holt... you can barely walk, I'm not gonna fuck you until you can feel your limbs again.”

Matt shakes his head and tugs it out completely, holding it up for inspection.

There, around the delicate stem that flares into the candy cane hook of the plug, is a glittering band.

“It's titanium inlaid with amethyst – cool, eh?” Matt's tone creeps into a nervous babble as he spins the hook of the plug loose – an inadvisable feature, Keith thinks faintly – and slides the ring off to hold it out to Keith. “Get it? I'm the last box...”

“That's an engagement ring,” Keith blurts out, eyes wide as he stares at the band in Matt's palm.

Matt nods, eyes a little manic as Keith just stares at it.

“Yeah, it's uh... for you if you want it?”

A nervous, bubbling giggle escapes Keith's chest as he looks between the ring and Matt's vaguely grey face.

“You want to get married?”

“Uh, well...” Matt hedges, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. “That's kinda the idea behind it.”

“Matt...”

Keith can't fight the wobbly smile that blooms over his face – he doesn't want to anyway, not with Matt looking at him like that after all of this flaming box of stupidity. He reaches out for the ring, heart in his throat...

And stops a hairsbreadth away, eyes narrowed.

“Matt.” He squints up at Matt's face, horrified incredulity dawning as his boyfriend starts to sweat. “This was _in your ass_.”

“...is that a yes?”

“Matt!” Keith practically gurgles, slapping his hands to his face and wondering if this is how the rest of his life is going to be. “I'm not putting that on until you wash it.”

“But Kitten,” Matt pouts, shoulders slumping as he curls a fist around the ring. “Your fingers go in there anyway...”

“The _worst_.” Keith moans into his hands, cracking his fingers to peek out at his new fiance. “You are terrible... I can't believe I'm going to marry you.”

“Really?” Matt beams at him, launching forward to wrap shaking arms around Keith's shoulders as he presses kisses all over his face. “You're the best, I swear I'll bleach it and whatever else you want.”

“Damn right,” Keith grumbles through his own moony smile. “And you're the one who has to tell your parents how you proposed.”

“Fair enough.” Matt shrugs, utterly devoid of shame as he leans back and drops the ring on the coffee table. Then he twists around, showing off the bow tied behind his back and spreads himself open with a lecherous grin. “But first, you gotta enjoy the whole gift.” He pauses to smirk as he drums his fingers on his ass. “Get it? The... hole gift?”

“The worst.”

Keith sighs again, fond this time as he plants a kiss to the base of Matt's spine and reaches around to fondle his cock, jingling the bells there as he contemplates how best to punish him for this stunt... but in the end, Matt's a good boy. And revenge is a gift best served cold.

Stretching to press another kiss to Matt's temple, Keith smiles – all love and mischief as he whispers into Matt's ear.

“At least you already bought your own ring... cause it's not coming off til we're married.”


End file.
